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 It's been awhile, I think

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Katylin



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PostIt's been awhile, I think

Hello ladies and gents, it has been awhile. I've obviously given up on blogging but I don't really know where else to share my thoughts during the rare occasions that I do feel like it.

The topic today is how to try and change your life for the fifth time. I just got 'the talk' from a relative, its nothing new to be honest, I've heard it before but I guess every time I get it, it doesn't get to me as much but for some reason it did this time. Probably cause it was more factual than it was heart to heart. I'm not too sure how many of you know of my situation but basically the short version is, my family is pretty much financially screwed and I'm not doing a damn thing to help out. My father has been unemployed for all my life, living as a 'professional gambler'. To be more exact, a poker player. I'd say his average income is enough to support one person, himself, which means my mother raises two man children on her own. By no means do we hate our father for it though, or at least I don't. My mom is in her early 40s now and goes to work in the morning on a low salary and has classes afterwards. She originally had a stable job with the county however gave that up for my godfather's business offer in Hong Kong when I started high school there. So now she's back at the start, and it doesn't help that she has no education except for high school only.

Enough about my history though, back on topic is what my life is and how I should proceed with it. In case you guys aren't aware I am now 22 and turning 23 in about 8 months. I'd say that is about when most people graduate nowadays, I believe most of my high school friends are done around now. As for me I'm beginning my 2nd year of college, I think not even but technically its my 2nd year. Where am I going? Well, at least I decided to pursue architecture for the time being so my classes are focused on that. As far as motivation and goals go I have none. Zero. None for the past 12 years in fact, maybe a little dream for playing professional dota but I don't know if it'll happen.

What do I do on a daily basis? Eat sleep game probably sums it up. Can't really remember the last time I had social interaction honestly. My brother told me that it's easy for me to make friends, that I'm an easy person to like. I don't really disagree with him either, I think I'm a pretty good guy. But why do I reject others so strongly is the question. It seems like most people I meet aren't very tolerable.

Then I was told that I was selfish for not doing anything to contribute to my family, that I should think of others more. I believe that was a first that someone said that to me, I was always known for being a generous person however when they put it that way it had me a little surprised. I can't disagree with this statement either, I think it makes a lot of sense. But a little part of me also disagrees with this because when I thought about it, the reason why this talk hit me was because the disappointment they saw in me was so painful to look at. And that I believe if I don't have goals, one of them should be to succeed for them if not for myself.

Although I'm talking like I should go out now and make something of myself I don't think it will be that easy, but I think I'll start with baby steps and do little things I never really do at all. Like helping around the house for example. Something so little would probably contribute to making life a little easier for my mom. She leaves at 6 am and comes home at 10 pm to sleep, I haven't really talked to her much. The person who talked to me today was my aunt so I assume my mom spoke to her about this.

I dunno, I'm a little lost now with where I'm going with this but yeah, laid back Steve isn't always full of sunshine, it rains every now and then. Hope everyone is doing good.

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It's been awhile, I think :: Comments

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Re: It's been awhile, I think
Post on Sun Feb 19, 2012 1:03 am  shigetsu
My mom always tells me get a part time job or go to school learn something, true story. I have these thoughts too sometimes but I'm just too lazy,self-fish and no motivation to go out and find a job.
Every time they talk about it, i just ignore them walk back to my room and hope these days will last but i know it won't.My parents gives me 60 dollars a month for who no what reason and I feel half happy and sad, knowing that I get money for doing nothing but taking away their 60 dollars that could be helping paying off the debt to this house which cost a lot to build(6 digit number).
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Re: It's been awhile, I think
Post on Fri Feb 21, 2014 1:22 am  Kanaka
Just wanted to bring this up in light of recent success of someone's particular lifestyle, lololol....
Re: It's been awhile, I think
Post on Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:09 am  Katylin
man i actually came to this to say the exact thing
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Re: It's been awhile, I think
Post on Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:20 am  Kanaka
Hope things have gone better for you and your family though. I can relate if you ever need a listening ear.
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It's been awhile, I think

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